 lisaescott264
Lisa E. Scott is a native of the Chicagoland area. She lives and works downtown as a human resources professional.
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A narcissist has a way of turning everything around so you begin to question yourself. He will do something terribly mean or cruel. You will talk to him about it, but by the end of the conversation, you are the one apologizing for some reason. A narcissist knows how to manipulate better than anyone.
In my experience, a narcissist eventually becomes sarcastic and belittles you constantly. You begin to feel you can do nothing right in his eyes and your presence is hardly tolerable. You’re baffled. You wonder what you did wrong to cause such a drastic change in his feelings toward you. You struggle desperately to return things to the way they were in the beginning. Unfortunately, as hard as you try, things will never be the same again. This is because everything he did in the beginning was an act to secure your love, nothing more. It is a maddening and precarious way to live. It can drive anyone to the edge of their sanity.
When I did take any real steps at ending either relationship, if verbally abusive behavior did not work to force me into submission, the false self would be the next weapon of defense in their artillery. I think a narcissist believes if his false self worked once to win you over, it will work again to keep you around or win you back.
At this point he will lay on the charm. A narcissist knows when to charm and is sure to remind you that he understands you like no one else can or ever will. It is essential for a narcissist to make you believe only he can understand you. By constantly telling you that you have problems and quirks only he can understand, you start to believe him and begin to feel unlovable in some strange paranoid way.
By telling you he loves you despite your ?aws, he hopes you will grow dependent on him. This is a narcissist’s way to ensure you will never leave him. It is narcissistic manipulation at its ?nest.
When a narcissist feels he is in control of you and is not threatened by any fear that you will ask for too much from him or leave the relationship, he will engage in escapist activity and appear as if he hardly notices you exist the majority of the time. You are merely present to dispense secondary Narcissistic Supply (i.e. attention) should his primary NS fail to meet his needs for the day.
This is when we must remember we did nothing wrong. It is all about him, ladies. A narcissist will simply discard people when he becomes convinced that they can no longer provide him with sufficient Narcissistic Supply. Keep in mind, this evaluation of his is totally subjective and not grounded in reality at all. These men are delusional and you musn’t forget that. Suddenly because of boredom, a disagreement, an act or a failure to act, the narcissist swings from total idealization to complete devaluation.
He then disconnects from you immediately. He needs to preserve all of his energy in order to obtain and secure new sources of Narcissistic Supply and sees no need to spend any of his precious time on you, whom he now considers useless. But please remember, he will repeat this same cycle with his new source of narcissistic supply. It is inevitable. Be grateful this toxic man is out of your life and never let him back in.
Listen to
Lisa E. Scott at where you can follow her on her weekly radio show – All About Him - building awareness on narcissism, offering advice on spotting a narcissist, and a support group call the Vain Forum, which is a message board and blog to help women get out of their narcissistic relationships that are holding them back.
